See real
by Onar27
Summary: Where a box of cereals holds more value than one would have expected.


**See Real**

Buffy wandered into the kitchen of Spike and Xander's apartment, searching for something to eat. Spike didn't really need food except to 'add flavor' and Xander only ate gross food, so she tried not to keep her hopes up, however when she opened the shelf where they kept all the dry food, she was startled to find a box of her favorite, whole grain cereals staring back at her. She grabbed it and opened the fridge to get some milk, satisfied that she was about to eat a normal breakfast.

She was mid way into the bowl, when it occurred to her that Xander hated said cereals. He had made a point to inform her about it every time he'd see her eating them and yet there was a box of it in his apartment. She took hold of the box and frowned a bit considering it, when she felt a hand slipping around her waist.

"Morning, pet", Spike whispered into her hair and she smiled and leaned back into him. It still felt surreal to her that she and Spike were doing coupley things, like saying good morning to each other.

"Morning", she replied and then turned to kiss him. It started passionate enough, but after a few moments Spike pulled away, making her whine. Why had the Spike lips gone away?

"Have to meet Downling, luv", he said. "I won't, if we get into it".

She sighed deeply, but then smiled and turned back to her bowl of c real, while he placed a cup of blood in the microwave.

"Do you know why Xander bought my favorite cereals, since he hates them so much?" she asked then, but she didn't get an answer, so she turned back to find Spike looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Um…I bought those…" he said and she frowned.

"You eat cereals?" she asked.

"No", he replied, not able to refrain from rolling his eyes. "I just thought…well, you've be spending a lot of nights here and I thought…"

"Oh", she replied then. "Thanks", she added, but he shrugged.

He left after a while, but she still sat at the kitchen table, frowning at the box of cereals. She didn't know how long she did that, just staring at the box, but it must have been some time, since Xander found her in the exact same position, when he came through the door.

"Gee, Buff!" he exclaimed. "Mind putting on some clothes? I mean not that I'm complaining, but I live with your boyfriend and he has really sharp teeth".

She looked down at herself and saw that she still only wore Spike's shirt. She should freak out. She would freak out. She was about to freak out any moment now and yet somehow she didn't. She just shrugged, she was too busy freaking out about something else.

"Uh, Buff?" Xander asked uncertainly. "Are you okay?"

"Spike bought my favorite cereals", she replied showing him the box.

"Ew", Xander said, in regard of the box, but then turned at the matter at hand. "So? He probably thought you'd wanna eat something you like in the mornings, right?"

Buffy nodded and then fell silent again.

"Are you mad at him?" Xander questioned confused. "It just seems thoughtful to me".

"It is", Buffy replied, grabbing the box with both her hands and then she just burst into tears, making Xander widen his eye and walk around the counter to hug her.

"Hey, come on", he said. "I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for all the crying, but since I have no clue what that reason is, can I just say that I hate those cereals?"

Buffy pushed out of her friend's hug and wiped at her eyes, then stared back up at him.

"Xander, I…" she whispered, her eyes widened in something between surprise and horror, an expression that did nothing but unsettle Xander. "I…I"

"Buffy, I'm sure Spike didn't mean to…I don't know…be pushy or anything", Xander said, but she shook her head.

"Xander, Spike loves me", she said, but Xander merely raised his eyebrows.

"Seriously?" he asked. "Did you just tune in to our show? Because it's been on for several seasons".

"You don't understand", she shook her head. "He loves me and I…Xander, I love him!"

That made Xander's eyebrows shot even higher.

"You what?"

"I love him", she said, her eyes widening in terror again. "I love Spike".

Xander chuckled and this time he was the one to shake his head.

"After all this time, it took a box of cereals for you to realize that?" he asked and then unable to hold himself, he chuckled again. Buffy punched his arm. "Ow…Buff, I told you to quit doing that, it hurts!"

"I knew I loved him before, you moron" she grunted. "It's just…it's the first time that I…I feel like I'm in love with him so…so completely. I mean I don't just love him…I trust him, I want him, my heart feels like it's going to bust!"

"Again it took a box of cereals?" Xander asked and when Buffy glared at him, he rolled his eye. "Why don't you tell him that then? I'm sure he'll be more than ecstatic…though warn me when, so I can clear out of the apartment first…"

"But how, Xand? How do I say all these things I'm feeling? Buffy and words do not merge nicely. What if I just mess everything up?".

"Well, I'm not exactly the expert here", he shrugged. "But…I don't think Spike would care how you do it, Buff".

She sighed, still eyeing the box fondly and Xander smiled.

"Well, I never thought I'd say that, but I'm glad you _finally_ re-realized you're in love with Spike", he said, as he moved towards his room to change out of his work clothes. "Though seriously, warn me first, because seriously…ew".

She chuckled, as she stood up too and went in search of her missing garments. She'd tell him tonight.

Buffy was getting irritated. It was just like him to be late, the one time that she was so anxiously waiting for him to return. She had sent the other Scoobies out on patrol in her place, so she could stay and wait for him. Willow and Dawn had squealed when she told them that she planned on telling Spike that she loved him tonight and had drugged a very grumpy Giles out the door.

She was nervous. She was actually anxious about telling Spike that she loved him, even though she tried to convince herself that what Xander had said would be true. It didn't matter. He'd be thrilled no matter what. Except…what if he didn't believe her again? What if he thought that she didn't mean it? How could she convince him that she really, really loved him? That the realization of just how much she needed him had struck her so hard this morning, that had left her breathless, staring at a box of c real for several hours. That the mornings they woke up together, made her heart ache in a way she didn't know it could before. That she felt him under her skin constantly, even when he wasn't…under her skin. So yeah…nervous.

And he was late! He had called sometime during the afternoon, to tell her that Dowling had a case he wanted him to check and that he'd probably be back sometime in the evening. He wasn't yet and it was well into midnight. She grunted and though she mostly felt irritated, there was a pang in her heart, a worry that added to the terror she had felt this morning, upon her realization. Every time she had loved someone, every time her life had seemed good, every time she had felt happy, something always happened to leave her trying to gather her broken pieces. She loved Spike now, her life felt…well, not normal, but manageable and she actually thought that it was the happiest she had ever been since her mother's death. She had her friends with her, none of them was evil currently, her sister was safe and mostly happy – confusion about Xander aside – and she had Spike. Not soulless Spike, not crazy Spike, not guilt ridden Spike…she had the Spike she could always feel under all the madness in their lives. He had always been there and now she could see him plainly and so could everybody else. She was happy…so yeah, terror.

It took another hour for her irritation to fade to complete and utter worry and giving up on her whole not-wanting-to-be-the-crazy-girlfriend-type, she picked up the phone and dialed Spike's number. It rung for a while, but he wasn't picking up, which brought back the fading irritation. She called him about five times, before giving up and calling Dowling instead. He picked up the next moment. That is why people have cell phones, idiotic vampire!

"Hey, Buffy, what's up?"

"Hey", she said hesitantly. "Do you know where Spike is?"

"Um…dunno…he left the station a couple of hours ago, after bringing in a demon. He said he's going home, so dunno he should have been there already; maybe something came up".

"Yeah", Buffy whispered. "Thanks, anyway", she added cheerfully to hide her ever growing concern and hung up, before the man could say anything else.

She huffed. Where was he? What to do now? She dialed Willow's number. Locator spell, best way to go. It rung for a while too and then went into voice – mail. Did no one in her life know how to answer their phones? She grunted and hung up. She brought a hand to her forehead, trying to calm herself somewhat. It didn't mean anything that he was late. Maybe something came up, like Dowling had said. Yeah, maybe something came up and now Spike was dust. Or evil. Or both. Evil dust. Oh, God.

She started dialing her sister's number, when she heard the door open and close and turned around.

"Where have you been?!" she exclaimed in frustration and ran to hug him.

He was too stunned at first to hug her back, but after a few moments of her clinging to him, with enough force to chop down a tree, he raised his arms and wrapped them around her.

"Buffy? Is everything okay?" he asked confused and he gasped when she pulled away and he saw the tears on her cheeks. "Slayer? What happened?" he inquired.

"What happened?" she asked back, her relief fading all the way back to irritation. "I was waiting for you is what happened! You were supposed to be back hours ago, you're not picking up your phone, Dowling said you left two hours ago and I was worried out of my mind!"

He tilted his head to the side, considering her, thoughtfully. Then a small smile appeared on his face.

"You were worried about me?" he asked and she couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the amazement on his face and voice.

"Yes, you moron", she said, hitting his arm. "I didn't know where you were and if anything had happened to you!"

"Well, I ran into Clem and he just wouldn't stop going on and on about Harm and I guess I lost track of time", he explained, still gazing at her with amazement.

"You couldn't pick up your phone?"

"I didn't have it", he answered. "I forgot it this morning; reckon it's still on my night stand".

"Oh", she said, frowning. She really did go all into crazy-girlfriend-type mode, but he grinned and pulled her close for another hug.

"Really flattered for the concern, pet", he said kissing her nose and she lifted her eyes to his.

"I love you", she blurted out and the teasing expression that had been on his face moments before, vanished completely into a shocked one.

"You…uh…huh?" he mumbled and it was her turn to grin.

"I love you", she repeated, turning her head up to kiss him, though he was still too stunned to kiss her back. "I knew I did before, but it hit me this morning, after you told me about the cereals, just how much. I wanted to tell you tonight, but then you didn't come home, when you said you would and I thought something bad had happened to you, because something bad always happens when I'm happy and I…Spike?"

She stopped her rumbling to wave a hand I front of his face, which in the moment appeared to be frozen in shock. She did it again. No reaction. She frowned.

"Hello. Buffy to Spike. Spike, do you copy?"

It was him that frowned this time, as he broke out of his reverie and looked down at her.

"Cereals?" he asked. "After everything, you love me because of cereals?"

She rolled her eyes. He and Xander really were made for each other.


End file.
